Chad's spot for various thoughts, musings, poetry, ideas and whatnot

Tuesday, February 28, 2006

Tomorrow is Ash Wednesday and so begins the season of Lent in the Western church. Over the last several years I have observed this tradition of Christianity each year as a way to try to grow closer to God. Some years I've done the traditional giving up of a food item (Microbrewed beer was the hardest) while other years I've given up my time to read (once the Summa Theologica by Acquinas). Some years have been better and some years have seemed like I was going through the motions.

This year I've decided to do something very different. Let me see if I can explain where this has come from. This weekend my wife and I took our once in a blue moon trip to the mall to get a few things and look at what we've been missing. She wanted to go into a store I wasn't interested so I wandered over to B. Dalton's (now conveniently owned by Barnes and Noble) to browse. As I looked to the new and notable titles and through the current events rack I saw book after book that seemed to do nothing but trash another group. "All Liberals are idiots and want to destroy America!" shouted some while others cried out about how "George Bush has betrayed us!" No middle ground, no attempt at reasonableness, no seeming desire to fix anything. Literally it was book after book that branded someone else as the bad guy and then explained why you should hate "them" and their politics/social theory/theology/economics/whatever. Walking out of the store, I was crushed under a huge weight of heaviness. I've been struggling with it ever since.

In Lent, one of the things we are supposed to do is embark on a journey of self-examination that will lead us closer to our Lord in our attitudes and our behaviors. As my brothers in the East say, Lent is the single greatest time for Theosis in a Christian's life. The journey must start within and as I looked within over the last couple of days I realize that all of the negativity really starts with me. Maybe I don't read those sorts of books but I think those same sorts of thought about my students, my wife, my friends and myself. So I have resolved to give up negativity for Lent.

I will most assuradely fail at this.

All of the food fasts and the like I can do. Given the discipline I learned in grad school and in my training, giving up anything physical isn't really that hard unless it causes me to be physically damaged (like giving up meat for forty days while training). What I must do is look deep into myself and see where all the negativity comes from. Is it fear? Doubt? Anger? Do undertake this journey I will need to spend more time in prayer. I will need to read more Scripture and more writings by those who have travelled the path before me. I will need to meditate on the goodness of God.

And still I know I will fail.

Yet each day I will get back up and try again. Probably for me it will be every hour. Yet by doing so I will find the Spirit there to help me. Rather than focusing on finding the negative I can look at growing the fruit of the Spirit in my life. The idea is not just some sort of positive thinking, ignore the reality of things sort of "spin control" here but instead an attempt to see God in all things and most of all in myself and those people around me.

In this I will fail, but in the attempt of trying I will succeed in growing closer to my God which is the purpose of the journey in the first place.

Thanks for Reading.

The Physicist   Link Me    |

Friday, February 24, 2006

During this year's training season I've added a new element to my rides that harkens back to when I first started riding out in Kansas. Back then I needed a motivation besides just training to get me to ride long distances and as morbid as it might sound I would ride out to cemetaries as a destination. It would give me a thing to research a bit with the DeLorme maps so I could plot a route, a place to go, a place to take a break and something to occupy my mind on the way back after reading the inscriptions on the headstones of plots ranging from family plots to civic cemetaries that were abandoned after the '53 or '71 floods.

My new project is an idea I had a while back but never had the chance to realize. What I wanted to do is take pictures of me and my bike in various places around where I rode. Originally, it was going to be cemetaries but soon the idea was broadened. Unfortunately, digital cameras were bulky and akward and somewhat low resolution and I could never find anyone who wanted to ride with me so the idea was shelved.

Recently, however, I gained the use of a little Kodak digital with a 4 megapixel CCD and a small enough form factor to fit into a jersey pocket. I've been taking it along with me on my training rides (especially the recovery rides) and snapping pics of the bike. The creative idea is to find things from days gone by that have been run down and left to decay and take pictures of them and the bike together. My first idea was old country stores and their gas pumps but I've broaden my horizons to include old houses, factory buildings and municipal centers. What I've been looking for was an old truck to put the bike in the back of as a composition.

Today, on a recovery ride, I passed a big open lot that has old school buses and while looking around spied an old VW bug. I decided to take a few pics of that and when I got there I saw an even older car back under a tree. After getting the VW shots, I posed the bike next to the car (as you see above) and took some photos. I knew the car looked like it was something from the early 50's and I figured that the Corsair nameplate would identify it as something from the Cheverolet line from the time. So I "googled" the name and after a few false starts (one of which, the Phantom Corsair from 1938, was very cool) I found the car. I think what the car is is a 1952 or 53 Henry J Corsair Deluxe manufactured by Henry J. Kaiser. Kaiser acquired his factory in much the same way Tucker did after WW II by purchasing an old bomber plant in Willow Run, MIchigan. If you check out a couple of enthusiast sites you can see that the car had really elegant lines.

What an unexpected find! I go out to take a few photos and stumble across this rare car that even though it's in pretty terrible shape was cool to photograph. I guess it just goes to show you that you never know what you'll find if you keep your eyes open and your wheels rolling. If I have time, maybe I'll figure out how to post a few more of my photos and my wife's excellent Photoshop work with a few of them up here in the future.

Thanks for Reading.

The Physicist   Link Me    |

Wednesday, February 22, 2006

As some of you know, two or three mornings each week I try to write a daily devotional for the college students here at the school I teach at as well as for various friends, former students and relatives that have asked to be added to our mailing list (if you're interested in being added just send me a comment with your email or you can click on the Gordon Christian Fellowship link on the left). With a colleague who is a truly gifted writer, we try to send something out every weekday that will help our students focus on their relationship with God during a quiet time they may set aside.

This week we've been writing about mercy as part of a semester long series on the topics of things like discernment, grace and forgiveness. Several weeks ago as I flew back from my Grandfather's memorial service I was reading the book, "No Perfect People Allowed," by John Burke. While reading God laid something on my heart. I had the realization that as much as God may hate our sin (and the Bible is pretty clear about how He feels about that), He loves us even more (the Bible's even clearer about that). Over the course of the last several weeks, this idea has been settling itself further and further down into my psyche. As I've continued to really examine my way of thinking and my mindset, this idea keeps coming back up. As much as God might hate our sin, He loves us even more. As I've been writing these devotionals this thought stays near the front of my mind. This morning though was extraordinary.

Over the last few months I've had this sort of project. I've been going out to various online communities to get a better understanding of why they are becoming so popular. Whether is be MySpace or Facebook or OKCupid there is no denying that more and more members of the postmodern generations are turning to these places to find community instead of the traditional venues such as churches, civic organizations, sporting leagues and neighborhood associations. To be honest, I like taking some of the online "quizzes" too. As I was poking aorund over breakfast this morning I came across a quiz titled something like, "Are you too Christian to date me..." As a Christian I was interested and curious as to what this would be about so I went out to take it. In the introductory comments, the quiz' author railed about the response he had been getting to the quiz, especially from Christians.

In taking the quiz I soon understood why he was getting the response. The quiz was pretty offensive in how it phrased the questions and the black and white nature of the answers. In this guy's mind there was no grey or nuance in the positions one could take. Once I got over the sort of annoyance I felt by the guy trying to force me into his peception of Christianity I began to really think about things from his point of view. Most of his questions were of the, "Do you think that ____ is wrong?" variety. There were no, "Do you believe that Christ called His followers to a life of radical and sacraficial love?" types of questions. For this guy, Christianity and its God were about judgment and condemnation. When reading his profile, I found the same sentiments echoed strongly there. As I thought abobut the quiz and the profile I was deeply moved to include what I had learned in my morning devotional.

You see, I was writing about mercy. If God really does love us more than He hates our sin, then I think He has to be much more a God of mercy than a God of judgment. I think that justice for God has to be about bring His creations closer to Him rather than finding a reason to punish them. Hosea writes, "For I desire mercy, not sacrifice, and acknowledgement of God rather than burnt offerings." (Hosea 6:6) Micah writes, "And what does the Lord require of you? To act justly and to love mercy and to walk humbly with your God." (Micah 6:8)

Now I don't know why the man in the profile I read this morning looks at God the way he does exactly. I don't know if a Christian friend told him he was going to hell or that God didn't love him for something that he did. I don't know if he listened to too many fundamentalist preachers and their "turn or burn" sermons and found a heaviness settling into his soul. I don't know if the Adversary stood next to him whispering lies about the God who loves him in all circumstances. What I do know is that he doesn't see God's mercy and so he has become lost somewhere along the way. When I read his profile you could sense a real unhappiness in the life he has but he'd rather have that that to look to a faith that he sees as being full of judgment.

Of course, I don't think that God's to blame here; we Christians are. More personally, I am. How often have I been judgmental and condemnatory? (See yesterday's post) How often have people seen God through me and my actions and found no mercy? For those of you who might find your way these words, I ask forgiveness. I ask that you pray for me that I might show God's true nature more accurately and clearly in my life.

Lord have mercy.

Thanks for reading.

The Physicist   Link Me    |

Tuesday, February 21, 2006

Sigh.

I did the latest grade workup for one of my classes a week before Mid-Terms. Of the thirty students, exactly eleven are receiving a grade of C or higher. If I add in those who have thus far earned D's the number grows to 17. What the hell is going on here? The class is a gen ed physical science course that has almost no math and whose ideas are clearly communicated.

What makes the course different is that I don't emphasize a rote memorization of facts. I don't think that's what science really is. Science is a creative process and I try to teach that process through a series of activities and examinations of how the process arrived at a certain model of something in the physical world. The examples we've looked at so far are models for electricity and for the atom. I require that the students be able to explain to me how an idea or model was arrived at and what supporting evidence there is for the model.

Some of the students are having real problems with this. Since it isn't memorization and they are unable to move above the loswest level of learning in Bloom's taxonomy they're stuck. What's annoying is that they've gotten to this point and haven't learned to learn at a higher level.

The bigger issue though is the number of students who just won't work. They won't study, they won't turn in homework, they won't read the source material for the course. I did away with the $110 paperback textbook and substituted in web-based resources and they won't even look at them. Several of the resources have handy simulations that woudl really help them see what's going on if they would only look at them.

I never thought I'd say this but about half of the gen ed students I see don't belong in college. They aren't equipped with the personal maturity or personal drive to do the things that need to be done to be successful. We're documenting this across our institution: student increasingly lack the skills necessary to participate in an academic environment. We call it "academic literacy" and more and more often our students lack it. They don't know how to study, manage their time, take notes or even ask an intelligent question in class. They think that college is one big party that may or may not involve drugs or alcohol but that is here merely for their entertainment.

I gave the class (at least the ones who showed up for the quiz today-21 out of 30) hell about their performance and told them to get with the program or get out of the class. I am tired of wasting my time on students who don't care about their education. They should go get a minimum wage job that doesn't impinge on their ability to screw around on their Playstation or X-Box and leave the serious work to those who want to do it.

Sorry about the rant.

Thanks for reading.

The Physicist   Link Me    |

Monday, February 20, 2006

A few weeks ago, colleague offered me tickets to go up to Spivey Hall on the campus of Clayton State University to see a performance. She and her husband are contributing members to the concert series there and had tickets they couldn't use. The concert seemed like it would be a string ensemble and I jumped at the chance to take my wife out on a date that would allow us to dress up for an afternoon of culture.

Sunday morning I looked up the concert on the web to get directions and found that the concert was a little different than I had thought. Along with Les Violons du Roy there would be a mezzo-soprano, Ms. Magdelena Korenza, performing. Now, as I've documented here before, I'm not one of those people who really likes opera and sopranos are probably my least favorite operatic singers. The typical compositions written for sopranos tend to want to show off the remarkable range of the performer's voice at the expense of both melody and harmony. Additionally, the pieces tend to be, in my mind, intermitably long. Now, I am aware that to the opera fan these views are heretical and make me a philistine but that's really how I feel.

After some discussion, I decided we should still take the opportunity given us to dress us and make an afternoon date something a bit special.

Boy, am I ever glad we did.

The selections were from French operas by Rameau, Gluck and Rebel with the first selection in each "set" highlighting the Violons and the final pieces being arias sung by Ms. Korenza. The instrumental music was wonderfully performed and all three composers placed a strong emphasis on harmony which made the listening much less tiresome. I enjoy more modern classical music but like improvizational jazz, it can take a lot of effort to appreciate. In terms of the arias, the key word was "mezzo" before the soprano. Her range was much more pleasant to my ear and since the composers had eschewed overly florid composition in favor of creating music that carried the listener along with the emotive feel of the piece I was much more able to appreciate the music even though it was sung in french. I particularly enjoyed the Violons' rendition of Rebel's The Elements.

Spivey Hall was a beautiful and intimate space for such an affair and we plan to try and go again to some of the concerts that are a little less expensive and maybe a bit quirkier. March 18th there is a Celtic group coming that we'd like to check out and there are some classical guitarists in the future as well we may try and see.

All and all, it made for a very nice Sunday afternoon.

Thanks for reading.

The Physicist   Link Me    |

Saturday, February 18, 2006

The 2006 cycling season in now officially underway. Today was the Lillie Glass Tundra Time Trial held on the Silver Comet Trail outside of Powder Spring here in the Peach State. The event is a 9.5 mile test of one's early season form that has become a really popular way to find out where a person is at in February. This year there were abobut 250 riders who went off at 30 second intervals in threatening conditions. Since I registered fairly late, I was one of the first 50 riders off. This was my first real test since last year's state championships and the first time I had ridden in full TT kit: skinsuit, shoe covers, aero helmet, disc wheel, the works. I started in too big a gear so I lost a few seconds there but once I got on top of that I powered away from the line feeling pretty good. I had estimated my lactate threshold heart rate at around 170 bpm for the event and found that to be just a bit low (the test would show it to be about 172 bpm). As I hit my stride I realized that I felt really good and settled into my rhythm. On the way out I caught my 30 second man, my 1 minute man, my 1:30 man and my 2:30 man; the last two right before the turn around. On the way back I caught three more riders and finished really strong. I was shooting for an overall podium place and had riden a time around 22:15 for the course which would put my average speed at a smidge over 25.5 mph which was faster than I had finished the season last year which gave me some hope that I might have made it. The question was how well some of the really strong riders had finished.

It turned out I had ridden a 22:10 time which would have put me on the overall podium two of the last three years but this year it was only good enough of 6th overall. That I got beat by Andy Applegate, a former US Masters National Time Trial champion, and a professional triathlete was no dishonor. I ended up winning the gold medal for my catagory, Cat IV, and would have won every other catagory except Pro/I/II and finished only 1:20 behind Applegate. That gives me a lot of encouragement for the season to come and my aspirations for doing well at this year's Master's National Championship. All I have to do it keep improving, not overcook my body and stay out of the way of large trucks.

The other great thing is that I've switched teams back to my old team back in Macon. My best year ever was riding for Nate at Bike tech and while the team now has a different name since there are a lot more sponsors now, it's still based out of the Bike Tech shop. Hopefully, the early success will encourage my teammates to train a bit harder. I'm not sure what my next race will be as there is a bit of uncertainty about whether we'll be traveling to LA next weekend. If not, I'll be heading down to Albany to race there and see if I can extend my winning streak in the prologue time trial they'll be having there.

Thanks for reading.

The Physicist   Link Me    |

Tuesday, February 14, 2006

In about six months I will turn forty. As the date approaches I find myself thinking more and more about the significance of the milestone of middle age. I find myself not so much evaluating my previous forty years but wondering what the next forty (God willing) might hold.

What I've realized is the while I like teaching a lot I like mentoring aand coaching a whole lot more. What's the difference? As an educator, I don't have as much assurnace that all the parties involved are really engaged in the process. What I've realized that for me to get excited and "up" for the teaching experience, I need to believe that the other stakeholders are willing to paticipate in the process and take equal responsibility for the results. When I have students who are willing to do this, I become really, really energixed by it. The students don't even have to be all that good at what they are trying to learn, they just have to be willing to work and push through the inevitable roadblocks and setbacks.

To me, this seems a lot more like mentoring and coaching; a lot more like a real partnership. I become more of a knowledgable resource and repository of experience than the bad guy who gives bad grades. Most importantly, in a coaching/mentoring relationship, I know that the other person is there because they want to be. I can ask more and the other party will give more and the results will be so much richer. I always wondered why high school teachers always seemed to hit a point where they wanted to become guidance counselors or master teachers. Know I think I know. I love being in the classroom but to be surrounded my so many who would just rather have you shut up and not expect anything is really difficult. I saw school as such an incredible opportunity to learn as much as I could. If I could, I'd go back in a heartbeat and study all of those things I didn't have time for the first time around. I'd look to be mentored by the best and brightest minds I could find. I would seek out every challenge I could to see what it could teach me.

I'm selfish to wish every student I had would be like that I think. But as I consider the future I wonder if I shouldn't begin making the changes necessary to make sure my time is spent with more of those students. In one sense I think it would be more effective but then I look at the students who have come into my classes and who have been changed for the better by what I ask of them. How many uncaring stundets does that kind of student "make up" for? How many Luke Lewis' or Paul Waldorfs do I need to have to make what I do worthwhile? How many have there been that I don't even know about?

The Physicist   Link Me    |