Chad's spot for various thoughts, musings, poetry, ideas and whatnot

Wednesday, June 21, 2006

Back in the early 80's (I think), Steve Martin put out this album of comedy stuff he did called, "The Cruel Shoes". It was pretty darn funny. One of my favorite bits was the excuse routine where he said that a person could get away with anything by using the simple excuse, "I forgot..." He pointed out that it had great applicability in a lot of different situations. "I forgot to pay my taxes." "I forgot that armed robbery was a federal offense." That sort of thing.

Well, in thinking about this recently (and enjoying a chuckle for about the ten thousanth time) I realized that the excuse needed to be updated. With all of the electronic and media reminders of stuff, the excuse just isn't socially acceptable anymore. Who's going to buy the excuse, "I forgot that driving an SUV might lead to an increase of global warming..." or "I forgot that we were looking for weapons of mass destruction..."? How lame would it be so say, "I forgot that emails from unknown parties might contain viruses..." Talk about being branded an instant loser.

So, we need an updated excuse that fits with the high anxiety, million-mile-a-minute, eating stress for breakfast with a natural disaster chaser, is that my cell again, no I don't want to buy a product that will make my ____ bigger, is my partner truly "satisfied", who gets to marry who world. We need something that captures the deep, persistent psychosis so much of the world finds itself engaging in for fun and profit. Something that is both believable (a sort of , "I could see that; heck it's happened to me once or twice" kind of thing) and that covers a broad range of situations.

I vote that the new phrase for the generic, cover all the bases excuse be..."The voices in my head told me..."

Think about it. Forgot to call your mom on Mother's Day? The next time you talk to her say, "I'm sorry I didn't call Mom. I was going to call but the voices in my head told me not to." Feel like invading another political entity for hoots and giggles and beer money? You can just say, "I know that what I did is forbidden by UN Security Council resolution 324 but the voices in my head told me I had to."

Now, I know what you're thinking (the voices in my head told me). "Dude, if I do that, they'll put me in a facility and give me a thorazine drip or make me a talk show host on the UPN or WB network and I'll be condemned to a hellish eternity of interviewing chemically castrated transexuals who had inappropriate relations with marsupials in the boardroom kitchenette." That might be true if you went it alone but if we all use the excuse then what are they going to do? Not even the WB has that many time slots to fill with some sort of programming. Besides, if they do commit you, there's always the book deal you can get as long as you didn't hurt anyone.

Anyways...something to think about.

Thanks for Reading.

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